Some of THESE are also TRUE – although a lot of them involve being able to fire arrows at neighbours.
I fear that Windstream have got our area confused with Uxbridge in Canada.
- It is illegal to import potatoes into England or Wales if you have reasonable cause to believe that they are POLISH.
- It is illegal to operate a COW while intoxicated
- By law, any WHALE or GREAT STURGEON is the property of the Queen.
- Oddly enough it is illegal to be drunk in the pub.
- A law still exists from the Middle Ages that requires all males over the age of 14 to be trained in shooting a LONGBOW.
- It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the monarch’s head upside down on an envelope.
- It is legal to kill a Scotsman within the ancient city boundary of York, but ONLY if he is carrying a bow and arrow.
- An Englishman can shoot a Welshman on a Sunday with a LONGBOW in the cathedral close in Hereford.
- An Englishman can shoot a Welshman with a BOW AND ARROW inside the city walls of Chester after midnight.
- ALL land MUST be left to the eldest son.
- A bed may NOT hang out of a window.
- It is illegal to eat mince pies on Christmas Day.
- In Scotland, it is illegal to kill an Englishman except for pleasure (HEY!)
- It is illegal to dress up as Batman or Robin.
- It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a CAT BURGLAR.
- It is illegal to walk on the right hand side of a footpath.
- It is against the law to insinuate that someone is SWEDISH.
- It is illegal to wear a red hat while walking down the main street.
- It is still legal to throw Brussel Sprouts at tourists.
- WATERMELONS are prohibited.
- DRIVING ON THE ROADS is not allowed.
- It is against the law to impersonate a foreigner.
- It is illegal to climb trees.
- It is illegal to curse in any language other than French.
- It is illegal to eat ice-cream on Bank Street on a Sunday.
- It is illegal to set fire to the wooden leg of a wooden legged man
- No resident of Uxbridge is allowed to have an Internet connection faster than 56k.
- Any man wearing ONIONS must be given right of way in the streets.
- No PIG may be called Napoleon.
- It is forbidden to take BEARS onto the beach.
- It is against the law to speak to a DONKEY in Chinese.
- During the long hours of winter darkness it is illegal to complain that you wish it were sunny.
- It is against the law for any man to unilaterally declare war on another country.